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Archive for January, 2015

Some New Year Reflections: January 28, 2015

January 28, 2015

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to begin writing again in 2015, and what better way than to commit to writing in my blog, Writing into Fragments, again. So to those who followed me before, and to any new friends I’ve met since, I hope you’ll be interested and loyal and keep me honest when it comes to sitting down and writing—in return I pledge to bring creativity and insights worth discussing here, either privately or publicly. You choose. If you wish to respond privately, I’ll send you my email.

Don’t we all hear voices challenging our current life choices? Second guessing ourselves? Or shooting holes in our confidence? Perhaps we can learn to welcome these voices as stimulus to our determination rather than as obstacles in our path. Perhaps we can learn to debate them rather than allow them to disrupt our intentions.

One of the voices in my head (please understand there are many) is the one that says: “You deserted your writing and teaching career and now you’re deeply entrenched in a new career without ever completely accomplishing all your goals. And here you are doing wellness, a NuSkin Distributor, learning to do business – ever so foreign to your authentic self—instead of accomplishing more as a writer, a playwright, a mentor of women, a professor of writing, literature and women’s studies.

“What’s up with that?” my yellow voice says as I set out on a NuSkin mission. “Shut up and watch me,” says my green voice. “I can do this.”

“Oh yeah? Wanna bet?” my yellow voice taunts. “Even if you can, and I doubt it, the question is should you be doing this? I mean how many years to do you have left as a sentient being? And when, tell me, when, will you finish that half done play? When will you finally publish the Claire biography?”

Dialogues like that swirl in our brains as we push forward, determined and yet riddled with doubt. Entrenched in a new project as we leave the unfinished ones behind.

Are they truly unfinished? Or do they lie dormant.

Are we leaving a part of ourselves behind? Or redefining a new self that better fits current circumstance? Are we going to integrate those two selves as we promised ourselves as we slowly turn our attention to the new while convincing ourselves we’ll come back to the old and finish just as soon as we . . .what? More importantly, will we integrate the new self we develop into that old self we left behind, and emerge like a newly a discovered molecule, comprised of atoms both undiscovered and ancient, awaiting a creative rebirth?

Let’s start this New Year of 2015, with questions instead of answers. As Rilke admonished his young writer, in this jumbled paraphrase of his wisdom: Let us love the questions like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign tongue. “Live the questions now. . . (and) perhaps . . . .

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